맘을 숨겨둔 Lonely night
Dec. 29th, 2020 04:36 amNever miss a hunt. It's one of Yena's rules.
Miyoung has broken more of those than she wants to think about this year, but she's tried hard to keep the rest. She tries, too, not to think about how tired she is, how unhappy; she never misses a hunt, feeds every month. On her own, it takes a lot more work to be sure she chooses her victims well, but she does it. Part of her wonders what the point is in being a monster to stay alive when it means living in a place like this, so far from wherever their home would be now, so far from her mother. From Jihoon.
She's been away longer than she knew him. Does he still remember her? They say people don't even notice the absence of those in Darrow, but she doesn't trust that.
Why doesn't Yena find her?
Her life moves in predictable cycles, shifting with the moon. She goes to school, she keeps her head down, she gets her work done. She avoids the other students and their snide comments, avoids the others in the Home. The more she ignores her classmates, the more she fades into the background for them, though that isn't as easy to keep up in the Home where she has to live with others. A few more weeks, though, and that will be over. She's been saving her monthly stipend from the city, buying very little she doesn't need, so she can rent her own apartment the minute she's able to do so. Even if she knows she'll be a proper adult in a few days, the Home will have to agree in mid-January.
She tries not to think about how it means living alone for the first time. At least she'll have her own space.
And every month, she hunts. Her free hours are spent in only a few ways: watching television, listening to music, exploring the city to see if she can find an exit in spite of what everyone else says and so she can learn it, and hunting. Watching her prey. Stalking men in the night. It turns her stomach to do so, if only because of all the things she has to see or expects to see. Choosing to eat only predators means seeking out the worst of the worst. She has no one to blame for that but herself.
Tonight will be the full moon, her tenth in Darrow.
She's made her choice already, though, and if she just sits around, waiting, for nightfall, she'll absolutely lose her mind. With school out for the winter holiday, she doesn't have much else to do, though.
There is one thing, though, that she wants to do, and today is as good as any for it. She's heard talk of Kagura for weeks, listening in on classmates and roommates alike. It sparked her curiosity from the start — she saw the building earlier in the year, when it was empty, abandoned — and she wanted to go sooner. There's a rumor, though, that makes the rounds, hand-in-hand with all the other gossip about the place, whispers of cursed mistletoe. It sounds silly, really, that a plant could trap someone under it until they kiss someone, and she's inclined to dismiss it as nonsense. Still, she of all people knows better than to think magic can't be real, especially here. So she's been waiting.
But Christmas was last week, so it should be safe now, she decides. It's a good day to go — somewhat cloudy, but not too dark, no snow — and she bundles up and takes the little tram out through the countryside and up the hill.
She's not entirely sure what she was expecting. Having seen the building abandoned, it's unsettling to see it now, like this, bright and alive, people coming and going. There are couples wandering arm in arm, hand in hand, through the snow, some of them carrying ski gear and others carrying cocoa. Children play in the snow. Miyoung is alone.
Would Jihoon have liked it? She wonders this so often. He would have found a way to make this fun — Darrow, Kagura, all of it.
There would probably be snow down the back of her shirt as a result, though.
She marches inside, bewilderment flickering across her otherwise placid features. What was once entirely empty is now glittering, the silence replaced with soft music and distant conversations punctuated by laughter. She hesitates a moment, taking it in, unsure what she wants now. Part of her tried to look at this as some kind of fact-finding mission. Part of her just wanted to do something fun. Instead she just feels lost. Even with the holiday over, there are bits of Christmas decorations still strewn about, holdovers easing into the New Year festivities. It's not like she and Yena ever did anything special, really, no extravagant tree or traditions, but it still aches to have spent Christmas without her mother.
She swallows hard, glancing around, then abruptly takes a left turn down the hall. There's no right way to go about exploring the place. She can't just stand here and feel sorry for no good reason. Walking quickly enough won't mean leaving her thoughts behind, but maybe she can just occupy herself with other thoughts.
Something in her jolts, sharp and sudden, like she's come up against an unexpected wall, and she almost tips over, head over feet. Almost, because she can't seem to move forward at all. Whirling around, she tries to go the other way and comes up short again. Whatever's holding her has her stuck in a very small radius, her hands curling into fists as she scowls, trying to pretend her heart isn't beating faster with fear. There's nothing here she can see that should hold a gumiho, nothing but clear air, but she's trapped.
She tips her head back, barely repressing a frustrated sigh — and then not repressing it at all, spotting the mistletoe overhead. "Are you kidding me?"
Miyoung has broken more of those than she wants to think about this year, but she's tried hard to keep the rest. She tries, too, not to think about how tired she is, how unhappy; she never misses a hunt, feeds every month. On her own, it takes a lot more work to be sure she chooses her victims well, but she does it. Part of her wonders what the point is in being a monster to stay alive when it means living in a place like this, so far from wherever their home would be now, so far from her mother. From Jihoon.
She's been away longer than she knew him. Does he still remember her? They say people don't even notice the absence of those in Darrow, but she doesn't trust that.
Why doesn't Yena find her?
Her life moves in predictable cycles, shifting with the moon. She goes to school, she keeps her head down, she gets her work done. She avoids the other students and their snide comments, avoids the others in the Home. The more she ignores her classmates, the more she fades into the background for them, though that isn't as easy to keep up in the Home where she has to live with others. A few more weeks, though, and that will be over. She's been saving her monthly stipend from the city, buying very little she doesn't need, so she can rent her own apartment the minute she's able to do so. Even if she knows she'll be a proper adult in a few days, the Home will have to agree in mid-January.
She tries not to think about how it means living alone for the first time. At least she'll have her own space.
And every month, she hunts. Her free hours are spent in only a few ways: watching television, listening to music, exploring the city to see if she can find an exit in spite of what everyone else says and so she can learn it, and hunting. Watching her prey. Stalking men in the night. It turns her stomach to do so, if only because of all the things she has to see or expects to see. Choosing to eat only predators means seeking out the worst of the worst. She has no one to blame for that but herself.
Tonight will be the full moon, her tenth in Darrow.
She's made her choice already, though, and if she just sits around, waiting, for nightfall, she'll absolutely lose her mind. With school out for the winter holiday, she doesn't have much else to do, though.
There is one thing, though, that she wants to do, and today is as good as any for it. She's heard talk of Kagura for weeks, listening in on classmates and roommates alike. It sparked her curiosity from the start — she saw the building earlier in the year, when it was empty, abandoned — and she wanted to go sooner. There's a rumor, though, that makes the rounds, hand-in-hand with all the other gossip about the place, whispers of cursed mistletoe. It sounds silly, really, that a plant could trap someone under it until they kiss someone, and she's inclined to dismiss it as nonsense. Still, she of all people knows better than to think magic can't be real, especially here. So she's been waiting.
But Christmas was last week, so it should be safe now, she decides. It's a good day to go — somewhat cloudy, but not too dark, no snow — and she bundles up and takes the little tram out through the countryside and up the hill.
She's not entirely sure what she was expecting. Having seen the building abandoned, it's unsettling to see it now, like this, bright and alive, people coming and going. There are couples wandering arm in arm, hand in hand, through the snow, some of them carrying ski gear and others carrying cocoa. Children play in the snow. Miyoung is alone.
Would Jihoon have liked it? She wonders this so often. He would have found a way to make this fun — Darrow, Kagura, all of it.
There would probably be snow down the back of her shirt as a result, though.
She marches inside, bewilderment flickering across her otherwise placid features. What was once entirely empty is now glittering, the silence replaced with soft music and distant conversations punctuated by laughter. She hesitates a moment, taking it in, unsure what she wants now. Part of her tried to look at this as some kind of fact-finding mission. Part of her just wanted to do something fun. Instead she just feels lost. Even with the holiday over, there are bits of Christmas decorations still strewn about, holdovers easing into the New Year festivities. It's not like she and Yena ever did anything special, really, no extravagant tree or traditions, but it still aches to have spent Christmas without her mother.
She swallows hard, glancing around, then abruptly takes a left turn down the hall. There's no right way to go about exploring the place. She can't just stand here and feel sorry for no good reason. Walking quickly enough won't mean leaving her thoughts behind, but maybe she can just occupy herself with other thoughts.
Something in her jolts, sharp and sudden, like she's come up against an unexpected wall, and she almost tips over, head over feet. Almost, because she can't seem to move forward at all. Whirling around, she tries to go the other way and comes up short again. Whatever's holding her has her stuck in a very small radius, her hands curling into fists as she scowls, trying to pretend her heart isn't beating faster with fear. There's nothing here she can see that should hold a gumiho, nothing but clear air, but she's trapped.
She tips her head back, barely repressing a frustrated sigh — and then not repressing it at all, spotting the mistletoe overhead. "Are you kidding me?"
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