맘을 숨겨둔 Lonely night

[talkingtothemoon]

Never miss a hunt. It's one of Yena's rules.

Miyoung has broken more of those than she wants to think about this year, but she's tried hard to keep the rest. She tries, too, not to think about how tired she is, how unhappy; she never misses a hunt, feeds every month. On her own, it takes a lot more work to be sure she chooses her victims well, but she does it. Part of her wonders what the point is in being a monster to stay alive when it means living in a place like this, so far from wherever their home would be now, so far from her mother. From Jihoon.

She's been away longer than she knew him. Does he still remember her? They say people don't even notice the absence of those in Darrow, but she doesn't trust that.

Why doesn't Yena find her?

Her life moves in predictable cycles, shifting with the moon. She goes to school, she keeps her head down, she gets her work done. She avoids the other students and their snide comments, avoids the others in the Home. The more she ignores her classmates, the more she fades into the background for them, though that isn't as easy to keep up in the Home where she has to live with others. A few more weeks, though, and that will be over. She's been saving her monthly stipend from the city, buying very little she doesn't need, so she can rent her own apartment the minute she's able to do so. Even if she knows she'll be a proper adult in a few days, the Home will have to agree in mid-January.

She tries not to think about how it means living alone for the first time. At least she'll have her own space.

And every month, she hunts. Her free hours are spent in only a few ways: watching television, listening to music, exploring the city to see if she can find an exit in spite of what everyone else says and so she can learn it, and hunting. Watching her prey. Stalking men in the night. It turns her stomach to do so, if only because of all the things she has to see or expects to see. Choosing to eat only predators means seeking out the worst of the worst. She has no one to blame for that but herself.

Tonight will be the full moon, her tenth in Darrow.

She's made her choice already, though, and if she just sits around, waiting, for nightfall, she'll absolutely lose her mind. With school out for the winter holiday, she doesn't have much else to do, though.

There is one thing, though, that she wants to do, and today is as good as any for it. She's heard talk of Kagura for weeks, listening in on classmates and roommates alike. It sparked her curiosity from the start — she saw the building earlier in the year, when it was empty, abandoned — and she wanted to go sooner. There's a rumor, though, that makes the rounds, hand-in-hand with all the other gossip about the place, whispers of cursed mistletoe. It sounds silly, really, that a plant could trap someone under it until they kiss someone, and she's inclined to dismiss it as nonsense. Still, she of all people knows better than to think magic can't be real, especially here. So she's been waiting.

But Christmas was last week, so it should be safe now, she decides. It's a good day to go — somewhat cloudy, but not too dark, no snow — and she bundles up and takes the little tram out through the countryside and up the hill.

She's not entirely sure what she was expecting. Having seen the building abandoned, it's unsettling to see it now, like this, bright and alive, people coming and going. There are couples wandering arm in arm, hand in hand, through the snow, some of them carrying ski gear and others carrying cocoa. Children play in the snow. Miyoung is alone.

Would Jihoon have liked it? She wonders this so often. He would have found a way to make this fun — Darrow, Kagura, all of it.

There would probably be snow down the back of her shirt as a result, though.

She marches inside, bewilderment flickering across her otherwise placid features. What was once entirely empty is now glittering, the silence replaced with soft music and distant conversations punctuated by laughter. She hesitates a moment, taking it in, unsure what she wants now. Part of her tried to look at this as some kind of fact-finding mission. Part of her just wanted to do something fun. Instead she just feels lost. Even with the holiday over, there are bits of Christmas decorations still strewn about, holdovers easing into the New Year festivities. It's not like she and Yena ever did anything special, really, no extravagant tree or traditions, but it still aches to have spent Christmas without her mother.

She swallows hard, glancing around, then abruptly takes a left turn down the hall. There's no right way to go about exploring the place. She can't just stand here and feel sorry for no good reason. Walking quickly enough won't mean leaving her thoughts behind, but maybe she can just occupy herself with other thoughts.

Something in her jolts, sharp and sudden, like she's come up against an unexpected wall, and she almost tips over, head over feet. Almost, because she can't seem to move forward at all. Whirling around, she tries to go the other way and comes up short again. Whatever's holding her has her stuck in a very small radius, her hands curling into fists as she scowls, trying to pretend her heart isn't beating faster with fear. There's nothing here she can see that should hold a gumiho, nothing but clear air, but she's trapped.

She tips her head back, barely repressing a frustrated sigh — and then not repressing it at all, spotting the mistletoe overhead. "Are you kidding me?"

Comments

[greatamazingfeelingsboy]

Caleb's getting a room for another weekend for him and Neil to enjoy. The last one had been fun, and, okay, fine, Caleb hadn't hated the skiing they'd done. And it'll probably be nice to surprise Neil with it, especially after the mess he'd very nearly made on Christmas Eve at Black Elm. Once he's gotten the reservation, he starts wandering the halls with a steamy mug of hot cocoa (with whipped cream). He sees Miyoung before he feels her, and the smile that spreads on his face stops short when he realizes she's walking right into the path of the mistletoe he's heard so much about.

"Hey, wait!" he calls. "Miyoung, stop!" He starts jogging forward — more of a power-walk, so he doesn't spill his cocoa — to try to get to her before she can get to the mistletoe. "Miy—oof!"

He stops short, instead, cocoa rocking in the mug and sending hot, chocolatey goodness down over his fingers. He would've fallen forward completely, if it weren't for the fact that he felt like he'd hit a fucking wall. He straightens up a little and clears his throat. She's definitely noticed him now, so might as well play it cool, right?

"Um, hey."

[talkingtothemoon]

A lot happens in a very short period of time. Miyoung doesn't expect anyone she knows to be here — not, at least, anyone she's well-acquainted with. Probably there are at least a couple of her classmates here, but she mostly avoids those people. As much as she doesn't like to admit it when she's so keen to get home, though, she likes Caleb. If, every now and then, she willingly spends time with him, well, her mother never has to know that she was playing nice with humans.

She certainly, though, doesn't expect to hear him calling her name at Kagura, or for him to stop so short that even her reflexes aren't quite enough for her to catch him before he falls.

And then he doesn't fall. His drink does, the air filled with the rich scent of cocoa — and she's going to figure out where he got that and maybe a snack, she always gets so hungry this time of month, even if she knows food won't be enough to satisfy her. Chocolate sloshes over the side of the cup, and her eyes go wide. As far as she can see, he hasn't run into anything at all, so she has no idea what's just happened.

"Caleb-ssi, hello," she says. They're close enough in age and he is, quite simply, white enough that she's decided that a term of address between equals is the best, and she doesn't quite feel ready to drop honorifics entirely with anyone here. He doesn't need to know that it is, really, a way of her conveying her respect and growing affection. Besides, like hell is she calling him oppa. Her brow furrows and her head tips elegantly to the side. "Are you alright? That was... abrupt."

[greatamazingfeelingsboy]

"No, yeah, I'm fine," he says. He wipes his hand on his jeans and leans casually against the invisible wall holding him in place. "Um..." Then he looks up at the mistletoe above his head before turning a wry, bashful smile towards her. "Better me than you, y'know?"

He's never been literally stuck under the mistletoe before — before he and Neil had started dating, he'd avoided pretty much every major public gathering he could. Being in crowds just doesn't jive with his ability, so he'd stayed away last year when everyone was making a big deal about the lodge. But Neil keeps everything a nice, mossy green that holds back everything else, and since coming up with him once already, it feels easier to come here alone, too.

Granted, he didn't actually expect to be trapped under mime-glass mistletoe, but he was being sincere when he told Miyoung that he'd rather he be trapped than her. She always feels like she wants to... go. The idea of her being trapped sets his teeth on edge, and that's not even his empathy reading her feelings.

[talkingtothemoon]

Miyoung glances up, following his gaze, realization dawning at the sight of the plant there — so innocuous yet, apparently, terribly powerful.

So it's real.

As much as it needles her that she was wrong about its being here and now he's stuck under it because of her, she's thankful, too. Choosing to get trapped on her behalf is a kindness she couldn't have anticipated. She tends to think of herself as being entirely on her own. That was the case in Seoul, even with Yena there, and it's certainly so in Darrow. It's nice to feel, for a moment, that she might be wrong.

"Oh, no," she says, shaking her head, and looking back to him. "I... thank you. I didn't see it. Actually I thought they would take it down after Christmas." She should have been looking more closely. Yena would chide her for such inattention.

[greatamazingfeelingsboy]

"I don't think they technically can?" he says.

He looks up at it again. It's too far up for him to be able to reach it to even try to rip it down, but he's still tempted. Then makes a little face and shrugs.

"I dunno, like, I guess it's supposed to be magic? So it just sorta... does its own thing, I think. Moves around on its own, and stuff." He looks at her again. She really is pretty, he can't help but think. "I mean, I dunno if that's, like, a thing you believe in."

It's not something they've talked about a lot, and Caleb has to admit that it's slightly by design on his part. The closer they get to talking about magic and the supernatural, the closer they get to him trying not to admit that he's an empath.

[talkingtothemoon]

The notion that these things happen on their own bothers her more than Miyoung likes. The whole city happens on its own, a tiny snowglobe of a world fueled by magic she doesn't know or understand. Part of her wants to try stepping underneath the mistletoe to see for herself if it can hold a gumiho, but the idea of actually being trapped is too unnerving. Besides, Caleb is stuck now, and she feels she should probably take care of that first.

The question captures her attention instead, though her expression remains placid. It's both a more precarious question to face here, in a culture that seems much more western and thus less inclined to accept magic as a natural part of life, and less of one, because Darrow is what it is.

"Hard not to believe in magic in a place like this," she says, brow arching wryly, a hint of a smile blossoming. "And at home too. I think there are many parts of my culture that seem superstitious here. But when there are so many old tales and traditions, better to be superstitious than to risk it, perhaps." After all, she knows better than most how many of them are true.

[greatamazingfeelingsboy]

"That actually makes a lot of sense," he admits truthfully. There's something a little guarded about her feelings, even as she talks about it, and Caleb isn't sure if it's because she thinks he'll make fun of her if she admits to believing in magic, or if it's because she's hiding something a little closer to the topic than he'd initially realized.

He could ask, but that seems rude.

"Um," he says, then gestures up at the mistletoe again. "Listen, I don't want you to feel obligated, or anything, if it's weird."

[talkingtothemoon]

Miyoung's eyes widen slightly as she realizes she's forgotten entirely why they're having this conversation in a hallway like this. Sheepish, she shakes her head. "No, it's okay," she says. "Ah, you were so nice to try and stop me." She doesn't, in general, like the idea of anyone being trapped into such a thing, and she could very much understand if Caleb, in turn, didn't want to kiss her. If she were the one cornered by a plant, she'd be reluctant to let anyone close. But one favor deserves another, and his kindness makes it feel less like an obligation or a trap than it does simply a gesture between friends.

Which, she supposes, is kind of what they are.

So she tries not to think about Jihoon and having never kissed anyone but him, almost a year ago, another world and another life. Something quick like this hardly counts. "Unless you see someone else here you'd like help from," she says, smiling wryly, "I can do it." She's not about to do so, though, without his direct go ahead. She's seen too many men who didn't understand that concept ever to forget it herself.

[greatamazingfeelingsboy]

"Oh, no, totally," he assures. "I mean, I could call Neil, but, technically it's supposed to be a surprise that I'm up here, and I don't know if the staff would—" He stops himself from rambling and clears his throat. "I'd appreciate it, if you... kissed? Me?"

God, what a weird thing to say to a friend. He know this is a specific circumstance, and he knows Neil won't hold it against him when he tells him, but there's still a small part of him that's trying to tell him this is all wrong and Miyoung and Neil are both going to hate him.

[maloscuridad]

It's impossible to miss her, though they've only met once or twice. Miyoung's beauty is the kind that sears itself into a person's memory and makes weaker men do stupid things. Which isn't to say that he's strong either, just smart enough to know where his touch isn't welcome.

"There's only one way to get out from under there," he says. "And you're really not gonna like it." First of all, no one likes it, and from his brief encounter with her, Nova got the impression of Miyoung as someone who likes to be in control. It's like when he caught Sabrina under the mistletoe, snarling at the audacity that anything had the audacity to be more powerful than her.

[talkingtothemoon]

It absolutely galls Miyoung that she recognizes him. They've only crossed paths a couple times now, and still Miyoung remembers him. He's hard to forget, unfortunately, not least because he has some of the strangest tattoos she's seen. They've increased, too, since last time, black ink dancing partway up his arms. Not that she's looking at his arms.

Pursing her lips, she crosses her arms, brow arching. "Is it the kissing thing?" she asks, pretending she doesn't feel a twinge of mortification at actually saying that. She's only kissed one person her whole life. She really doesn't have any intention of changing that just now, least of all with some man she doesn't even know. Better to act like she doesn't care. Even if she were more experienced, she wouldn't like the idea of being cornered into something like that by a bewitched plant. Still, what she intends to come out as indignation sounds a little more like petulance. "I thought they would take it down after Christmas."

[maloscuridad]

"I'm honestly not sure they even control it," Nova says. All of the staff at Kagura have that same vague awareness of what's happening around them but never in a way that offers a tangible explanation. "But yeah, it's a kissing thing."

Eyebrows raised in question, Nova gestures at himself and then to her. Then he puts on a grin that he knows is annoying in its charm. Miyoung will probably see right through it but he isn't too bothered by that. She's the one who's stuck, after all.

"I can get you out."

[talkingtothemoon]

Miyoung is just distracted enough by his initial statement that it takes her a moment to catch onto the rest. Wondering about who does control it then, though, falls immediately by the wayside.

"I don't need help," she says primly, though she knows immediately that isn't true. There's no getting out of this on her own, apparently, which means she's going to have to get some stranger or other to free her from this stupid curse.

Or she could just stay here in this spot until the lodge closes and whatever this spell is reverses and that's fine, she can do that.

Crossing her arms, she tips her head up, brow arching at him. "You don't have to enjoy this so much." It's infuriating. She knows he's just toying with her, probably not even trying hard to be any kind of actually attractive, just annoying her, and yet he is attractive. It's enough to make her wonder if he's not quite human either.

[maloscuridad]

"I know you don't." It's not so different from their first (and only) real conversation. Nova knows better than to take pity on someone like Miyoung, who's clearly never had time in her life for that kind of thing. He's not mocking her when he says it. "But you're gonna have a hell of a time waiting to outlast that thing."

Spreading his arms wide, Nova nods toward her again. "I'm an easy solution." His grin becomes a little less sly now. "Come on, I can't be that annoying."

[talkingtothemoon]

Miyoung is stubborn enough she suspects she could last quite a bit longer even than he'd think.

Usually, at least. But it's a full moon. Even with the sun still in the sky, she's aware of that, feeling the way it tugs at her already. If she waits too long, if she stays here until it rises, will she do something far worse than simply kissing a boy, even one as frustrating as Nova? He might irritate her, but she doesn't want to kill him, or whatever innocent person might happen along to help her in his stead. Better to get it over with before her self-control weakens.

She almost protests I have a boyfriend, but she's been here so long, it sounds stupid even to her, and it hurts.

After several long moments of consideration, head tilting higher, she sighs. "I guess I could do worse," she allows, just barely resisting gritting her teeth as she says it. At least he isn't some old white man. "And I'd rather not be stuck here all night." She can't afford to be.

[maloscuridad]

"That's the kind of sweet talk I love to hear," Nova says, but there's less bravado to it now. It's one thing to needle and tease Miyoung when she's telling him to keep away but the act is a lot less suave when she's agreed. So he relaxes his posture a little bit, lets his smile be more genuine. He tries, against the reality of his appearance and upbringing, to actually seem gentle.

Miyoung probably isn't stupid enough to fall for it. Smart girl.

The kiss he gives her is quick, just a brush of his lips to hers, perfunctory and entirely undemanding. "That should do it."

[talkingtothemoon]

It takes barely any time at all — much less than she needed to posture and snarl about it — quick and light, and Miyoung is both surprised and relieved. As unfortunately attractive as Nova may be, she has no interest in being cornered into more of a kiss and, frankly, with what she knows of men, she'd expected worse.

This is simple. A business transaction, really, except he gets nothing from it. She's slightly suspicious both of him and the mistletoe as she makes an effort to step away, darting a wary glance at the plant. That it works is just as much of a surprise, enough that she lets out a noticeable sigh of relief.

Maybe he's not quite as objectionable as she thought. Annoying, but not terrible.

"Thank you," she says, because she's a polite girl and he did her a favor. "I'll keep a better eye out for these things now."

[train_baby]

Although she knows some people are wary of it, Yona loves Kagura. The change of scenery alone would be thrilling enough for her, something that always manages to feel new every year for all the months it's closed, and as uneasy as the winter often makes her, it's beautiful here, the snow glistening and lovely instead of oppressive, the lodge itself warm and inviting. Besides, Frank lives up here. During the off-season, she likes to visit the mountainside cave where he lives, bringing snacks and staying to hang out for a while, but it's easier when she can spend some time at Kagura itself, drinking at the bar or sitting by the fire, watching various people come and go, occasionally offering to kiss anyone who gets stuck.

A lot of others seem to be weird about it, she's noticed, but she's never had a problem with it. Kissing people is fun, and nothing that needs to mean anything.

The frustrated question, then, doesn't come as a surprise. Holding an oversized candy cane apparently left over from some Christmas party, she guesses what's happened even before she's turned to look at its speaker. That, though, is a bit more of a surprise. She thinks she's only met the girl once before, but Yona remembers her even so, mostly because there seem to be so few people here who speak Korean. "Did you get stuck?" she asks, sympathetic but unsurprised, even before a glance up towards the ceiling confirms her suspicions. "It happens a lot."

[talkingtothemoon]

Though Miyoung is still, of course, incredibly frustrated by her predicament, the young woman's appearance catches her off-guard. It's been a long time since she saw Yona, but she's never forgotten her. Everything about this place is a nightmare. She thinks it would be natural if she resented the first person to introduce her to Darrow. Instead, she's grateful. As bad as it may be here, it would have been much worse without someone kind speaking her language to her, taking it all in stride.

And, too, though she's been in Darrow many long months, she's still a good Korean girl, instinctively bowing her head slightly before she speaks. "Ah, unnie," she says, switching back into her native tongue, "yes. I thought the decorations would be gone after the holiday. It surprised me."

She doesn't like being taken by surprise like this, especially when it's a plant. It isn't even moving. She really should have been paying more attention to her surroundings, ground and ceiling.

[train_baby]

"It surprised me the first time I was here, too," Yona says, nodding in understanding. That feels like so long ago now that she can barely remember it, and yet she still hasn't lost the sense of wonder she feels here at Kagura. The same is true of so much of Darrow, though, and she prefers it that way, to always feel like everything is a little bit new even when she's had time to get used to it. The mistletoe is not really one such feature, but she also doesn't find it an annoyance in the way that most people do. Standing around waiting for a kiss isn't as fun as sitting at the bar or by the fire or venturing out to the hot tub, but it isn't so bad, either.

Watching other people get stuck can be fun, too, whether she offers to get them free or not, but there's no sense of enjoyment in it now. She hardly knows Miyoung, but maybe having been the first person to find and explain this place to her is why Yona feels not protective exactly, but an instinctive desire to help.

"You know how it works, then?"

[talkingtothemoon]

Miyoung nods. As frustrated as she is to be caught in this predicament, Yona's presence is soothing. It isn't simply the common language either. Yona has helped her before, for one thing. That she's older than Miyoung proves helpful, too. She's always been a respectful girl, and though Yona may not be the kind to stand on ceremony, Miyoung is. It helps keep her focused now and calm.

"I heard the others talk about it at school," she says. "I would have thought it was a joke, but everyone knew of it. I waited until now to avoid it."

In general, she has no desire to kiss strangers, and Darrow is full of strangers only. She would hate anything that trapped her — this city, for instance — but this is worse for that aspect. The only person she wants to kiss is the only person she's ever kissed, and he's not here. She's been wondering for a long time now if she'll ever see him again. Christmas without her mother, without Jihoon, it makes her heart ache more than she wants anyone to know.

[train_baby]

With a knowing, sympathetic little smile, Yona shakes her head. "Still here," she says, though that speaks for itself by now. It wouldn't have occurred to her to consider that it might be gone after the holidays, actually. While she's been in Darrow long enough by now to know that there's some sort of association between mistletoe and Christmas, it isn't a connection she would have made on her own, both still being fairly new to her.

Christmas, she'd at least heard of before arriving in Darrow, but beyond the exchanging of presents and the absolutely delightful music, she doesn't entirely get what the big deal is supposed to be about the birth of some baby, or how all of the various traditions tie together.

None of that is particularly important now, though, and she tips her head to the side a little as she watches Miyoung, her tone light and easy when she speaks again. "Want me to get you out?"

[talkingtothemoon]

The question draws Miyoung out of her thoughts, and she tilts her head to the side thoughtfully. What method, she wonders, does Yona know that she hasn't heard the others speak of? And then she realizes it's probably the same one, which is unexpected. Yona is so blithe about it that it's easy for Miyoung to nod. Why protest when it's a simple enough transaction? Though Yona is undeniably very pretty, it's just an act of kindness, and Miyoung is grateful for it. Yona won't be the kind to make a big deal of it, and so Miyoung doesn't feel it's such a big deal. Besides, it's not as if she has anything against such things. It may not be as common at home yet, but Miyoung's never really cared one way or another what gender someone is. When she has forever, who cares about such silly labels?

"You want to give me a kiss, unnie?" she asks, playful. Yona puts her at ease somehow, perhaps because she herself always seems so relaxed. It's an unfamiliar attitude for Miyoung, not one she thinks she can afford to engage in often, but it makes for a pleasant change under such strained circumstances. She doesn't wear it as comfortably as Yona, but it's nice to pretend for a moment.

[train_baby]

"I wouldn't mind," Yona says with a shrug and a little grin, playful, almost teasing, in turn. She would feel far worse about just leaving Miyoung there for someone else to come across, and the offer seems to have gone over well enough. For her, it's easy, something that doesn't take much thought, but she's been in Darrow long enough to know that many people aren't as casual about kissing as she is. Things are so different here than they were on the train. If such a thing had ever happened there — which it wouldn't have, but if it did — she suspects there wouldn't have been any need to ask at all. Everyone living in one small space together meant that boundaries were considerably lower there, if or when they existed at all.

But Miyoung has agreed, and Yona thinks it would be rather pointless to draw it out, even if it would also be somewhat amusing. Crossing to where Miyoung is trapped under the mistletoe, Yona tips her head up, hands resting briefly on Miyoung's cheeks as she kisses her, sweet and chaste, smiling after. "There. You're free."

[talkingtothemoon]

It's quick and simple, but Miyoung doesn't allow herself the luxury of relief until she tries to step away and finds she can. Though the tension never goes out of her entirely, perhaps, it eases now. No fox likes to be caught in a trap.

"Thank you, unnie," she says with the slightest inclination of her head. Yona unnie isn't one to stand on ceremony, and so it seems silly to bow the way she might to someone else, but she can't curb the manners she grew up with so easily. In any case, she is thankful. She worried this would be much worse than it was. Even the kiss was nothing at all, so fleeting she thinks she can let it simply not count. A foolish game, probably — Yena would think so, fussing about whether or not she's kissed one human or two — but there's something soothing, if bittersweet, about letting Jihoon being the only one she's ever kissed.

"I'm glad you were here," she adds. "I don't know anyone else."